Musing on love (4)
Some time ago I wrote a post in which I mentioned the phrase ‘deeper friendship.’ Well, I’m not sure whether my view has changed much since I wrote that post, or rather, when I wrote that, it was still like abstractions in my mind, but now I’m learning to be more down to earth? Hmm, I don’t know, really. I guess I have learned more all these while—I guess time is a patient teacher—and yet I’m not sure whether I can articulate that into words. But I will try nonetheless.
When I choose someone, it might not be clear why. Even if I know why, I may not be able to tell. If I am looking for physical beauty, I will have to choose a model or an actress. If I am looking for gentleness, or kindness, or some other quality, I will have to choose A, B, C, or somebody else, not the one I choose. Perhaps it is a combination of all those that makes me choose her. But for sure, she is not perfect. Perhaps if I choose another person, it will be easier, or happier. Perhaps so. But commitment will give us courage to bear with one another, to accept and to give, even if it will cost us more than it may if each of us chooses another person.
I will ask God to grow my faith in Him. I should be fully content in Him. Only God can satisfy my needs and my future partner’s needs. My commitment, firstly, is to Him alone. Meaningful life can only be found in Him. Therefore, when I pray, I should ask not so much of whether she could complement me, but rather, whether I could complement her. Will I be a suitable partner for her? Will I be a blessing in her life? For I know that God is sufficient for me.
I will be a friend and know her as a friend. I should know her personalities, behaviours, likes, and dislikes. I should not be afraid of knowing her weaknesses and letting her know my weaknesses. For if we only see the good in each other, how can we stand the tides after entering into marriage? I should not counterfeit myself. I should be true. I should observe how she relates to other persons, not just me. I cannot love an idea. I have to love a person as a person, wholly. And let me present myself wholly as a person.
I will develop this friendship slowly and carefully. For if it is God’s will that we should not go ahead, yet at the same time I fail to listen to Him, it is I who shall suffer. God may want to save me getting into a disastrous relationship, and that is for the better of both of us. I should believe that God’s plan is the best for both of us.
I will seek advice from someone who knows me and is spiritually mature, and help me see her and myself more objectively. I shall not depend on my own feelings. For how can I know that my choice is according to God’s will if I see it only from my own point of view?
I will seek to please God through this friendship.
I will not lower God’s standard of holiness.
I will let God mould me through this friendship. I should learn to know myself and by God’s grace develop maturity, spiritually and emotionally.
I will learn to be patient and not easily angered.
I will learn to wait, as Jacob waited for 7 years for Rachel.
I will respect her decisions.
I will ask God’s grace to do all these.
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- August 7, 2006 / 15:09
- Love and friendship