Whom have I in heaven but Thee?

David Brainerd‘s journal, 7 February 1744:

“Whom have I in heaven but Thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire besides this blessed portion. Oh, I feel it is heaven to please Him, and to be just what He would have me to be! Oh, that my soul were holy as He is holy! Oh, that it were pure, even as Christ is pure; and perfect, as my Father in heaven is perfect! These, I feel, are the sweetest commands in God’s Book, comprising all others. And shall I break them? Must I break them? Am I under a necessity of it as long as I live in the world? O my soul, woe, woe is me that I am a sinner, because I now necessarily grieve and offend this blessed God, who is infinite in goodness and grace!

“Oh, methinks if He would punish me for my sins, it would not wound my heart so deep to offend Him; but though I sin continually, yet He continually repeats His kindness to me! Oh, methinks I could bear any sufferings; but how can I bear to grieve and dishonor this blessed God? How shall I yield ten thousand times more honor to Him? What shall I do to glorify and worship this Best of beings? Oh, that I could consecrate myself, soul and body, to His service forever! Oh, that I could give up myself to Him, so as never more to attempt to be my own, or to have any will or affection that are not perfectly conformed to Him!

“But, alas, alas! I find I cannot be thus entirely devoted to God; I cannot live and not sin. O ye angels, do ye glorify Him incessantly; and if possible, prostrate yourselves lower before the blessed King of heaven? I long to bear a part with you; and, if it were possible, to help you. Oh, when we have done all that we can, to all eternity, we shall not be able to offer the ten thousandth part of the homage that the glorious God deserves!”


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