Have I really been a blessing to you?

“Have I really been a blessing to you?” she asked.

My typical reaction to that question would be to perceive her as being insecure, and so I did whatever I could to assure her that she had indeed been a blessing to me, or that I had not really cared about that. Often I was not aware that these I did as if I was more superior, as if there was nothing in me to be corrected, as if the question could not have arisen due to some mistakes on my part.

I should have asked that question, always, to myself. I wrote that once; how could I forget? “Have I really been a blessing to her?” I realize that I have not, for when I was supposed to encourage her in her spiritual growth, or in being a candle burning bright for her family, or in her relationships with her brothers and sisters and those who have yet to know Christ, I did not do all these as I should. When I was supposed to treat her as a partner, I ought to have treated her as a partner—one who can trust me and continue to accept me despite my failures and weaknesses and cowardice to confess the ugliness that is in my heart, one who can counsel me and spur me on in following Christ, one whom I respect for her unique perspective on life to complement mine, one who walks beside me and neither behind me nor before me, one whom I can trust to have been a blessing and will continue to be a blessing in my life.

O, Lord, thank You for the reminder. Please forgive me. Search me and know my heart. Try me and know my thoughts, and see if there be any grievous way in me.

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