The differences between men and women

This is a personal summary of an audio seminar taken from The Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood. The speaker was Dr. Daniel Akin. Grace did the summary—no wonder the part on the needs of men received more attention than that on the needs of women. I added some words in the latter to help balance the two.

Man and woman: Different by biblical pattern, and by personal needs
(the focus of the talk was on the personal needs)

Husband/father: Love, lead, labour, learn
Wife/mother: Submit, support, stabilize, socialize

Man is to love and know.
Woman is to follow and respect.

1 Cor 7:1-11 – Single or Married
1 Peter 3 – How a believer should respond in a marriage with an unbeliever
1 Cor 11:2-16 – The role of women in the church
Ephesians 5:25-33 – Roles of husbands and wives
Col 3:18-21 – Parallel with the above
Titus 2:1-8 – Elder men and women, younger men and women
1 Peter 3:7 – To know your wife

Five basic needs of a woman (to which some men are insensitive, and some are ignorant):

  1. A husband that is a spiritual leader: a man of God, courageous, who lives by certain convictions and commitment, having a compassionate character, gentle yet strong (the two are not mutually exclusive), more of heart than head knowledge; in sum, a man who loves God
  2. Appreciation
  3. Romance: Wives hide it, and husbands have to seek it. Wife is a creature of ear and heart
  4. Intimate conversations, openness and honesty, so that she can be involved with man on the inside. She wants to share what her husband feels, be it joy or sadness. Man needs to learn to hear the heart behind the words. Woman communicates by code language; it is the female way of conversing
  5. Home support and stability: Put family first. Husband is the security hub of the family. A woman rests in the reality, comfort, and certainty that her husband is taking care of things.

Man thinks the relationship is going great if he does not have to say anything.

Five basic needs of a man:

  1. Admiration and respect: a woman is to be proud of her husband. A great woman can take a mediocre man and raise him to the level of good. A not-so-great woman can take a great man and drop him to the level of mediocre. A woman has incredible power for good or ill in the life and ministry of the husband. How much husband values the opinion of his wife of him. It is the very foundation of what man is
  2. Intimately related to number one: Physical intimacy/intimate enjoyment. Gets more wonderful as a couple gets older
  3. Home support: atmosphere of peace, quiet, refuge, rest, and rejuvenation. Wife is the emotional hub of the family, the thermostat of the family. To a wife who whines and nags, the husband fights verbally or walks away or stays away
  4. An attractive wife, both inwardly: godly, and outwardly: needs time, attention, and care, publicly and privately. Man is a creature of sight
  5. A best friend in a wife whom he can confide in and trust. Intimate partnership. Man can have several good male friends, but no need for any female good friend. The wife is the only one woman in life who is trusted


Hard work for men, great happiness for women. Intimidating for men, but nurtures intimacy for women. Men report facts, women share feelings. Men feel compelled to offer solutions, women want affirmation, assurance, and conversation.

Men’s idea of romance are highly visual. Women’s idea of romance can mean a lot of different things. She is relational and personal, and react by feelings.

Women need to be valued, men need to be successful.
Women need to be heard, men need to be praised.

Women value relationships, men value occupational achievements.
Women fear neglect, men fear failures.

Women value quality and quantity of time, men not so much.
Men go with the flow, women appreciate specific and creative ideas.

Mother nurtures, father provides child’s needs for self-worth.
Mother provides emotional support, father security.

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